As I was packing up Chaya's school supplies tonight to make sure I had everything, for a moment I flashed back to a time in my early schooling. I can see the classroom, the wooden desks, the small blonde girl sitting at her desk. I see that she was overcome with grief, mostly from the loss of a good friend at such a young age. I also saw the "Mr Happy" character adorning that desk. It was a token that my mom gave me to keep me at school during that really hard time of learning that death comes early and harshly. I learned that lesson very early on in my life, I still am learning to deal with the pain it causes.
Chaya is dealing with the anxiety of going to school the whole day. I remembered how much that token on my desk helped me remember that someone loved them and that I could get through the day and come home to my safe haven. I wanted Chaya to have something she could remember me by in case she was stressed or missing home. I placed a small metal token with the word "HOPE" on it to slip into her school box. I told her if she missed me to look at that and remember that I was thinking about her. I reminded her that if you are sad or things are hard, remember that knowing that hope exists will help so much. She proudly placed it into her pink school box and although I hope she looks at it occasionally, I know that she will do just fine...she's going to love this next year in school. I love being a mom and learning all the lessons of hope it presents.
Summer
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
shy that way
I have a child who is terrified to go to school for the full day this year. It terrifies me to see her so terrified because as much as I would like to forget the days of my early school career, they certainly shaped me. It is hard to see your child experiencing shyness, fear and anxiety over changes. I was horribly shy as a child and I find myself getting impatient with Chaya when she shows those characteristics. I hate that about myself. I should be supportive and loving in those moments (and I am working on it), but it is true that sometimes you really dislike those things about yourself you see in other people regardless if you are a mom or not! I see that shyness in her and hate that maybe, just maybe she got that from me. It was so hindering and hurtful for me as a young child, I hope to help guide her correctly through these challenging times.
Today was the day Thurston Elem. was going to release the class lists, I remember the days that my parents would drive my excited sister and I up to Walterville to run down the halls and look at the lists...it was so exciting! I woke up this morning and reminded Chaya today was the big day, she instantly felt sick...then I felt awful! She had the opportunity to go to grandma's for a bit this afternoon which happened to coincide with the list release at the school. Hey, I was excited and will keep it to myself unless she wants to go over with me, but I hopped on my pink cruiser (chaya's pick) and sailed down the sidewalk to see what awaited her next year. I approached the school to much anxious energy...lots of kids (many smiles, some tears), but a general feeling of anxiety over what the next year will hold. This helped me realize that I was normal and Chaya is too. Just because I have come full circle and am not the shy girl I used to be, in a way that is a normal process and I have come full circle. Chaya, I hope, will too!
Summer
Today was the day Thurston Elem. was going to release the class lists, I remember the days that my parents would drive my excited sister and I up to Walterville to run down the halls and look at the lists...it was so exciting! I woke up this morning and reminded Chaya today was the big day, she instantly felt sick...then I felt awful! She had the opportunity to go to grandma's for a bit this afternoon which happened to coincide with the list release at the school. Hey, I was excited and will keep it to myself unless she wants to go over with me, but I hopped on my pink cruiser (chaya's pick) and sailed down the sidewalk to see what awaited her next year. I approached the school to much anxious energy...lots of kids (many smiles, some tears), but a general feeling of anxiety over what the next year will hold. This helped me realize that I was normal and Chaya is too. Just because I have come full circle and am not the shy girl I used to be, in a way that is a normal process and I have come full circle. Chaya, I hope, will too!
Summer
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
peaceful meals? not in this lifetime!
Okay moms, whose with me? You think you plan and create the perfect opportunity and then it totally without a doubt backfires on you!
I was going to have a friend of Chaya's over, so I decided as it was raining (and my house is way too small) that I would take the girls for a playdate at Papa's Pizza and enjoy the lunch buffet (all you can eat, perfect for picky eaters!) and some play time on the toys (okay and a sanitizing bath after...ha, ha). I would immerse myself in a book or my to do list as I was riding solo. I crave adult time, but it wasn't in the cards for today, so I thought, but then I got surprised by a call from an out of town aunt whose was in for today only and could we meet up? Yes, of course if she wanted to meet me for lunch that would be awesome, answer to my prayers regarding adult conversation! Another aunt and cousin would join us too making for the perfect situation, or so I thought!
The aunt conversation was awesome, thank you to these dear ladies and moms for their venting ears today! The playtime that should have been peaceful, the food choices that should have been plentiful (all you can eat, if they actually have any pizza...ha, ha) and my time should have been all out enjoyable, but somehow it wasn't.....
I had to deal with trying to encourage/coax 2 wild girls to eat pizza, but instead Chaya ate a plate of cucumbers and about 10 packages of Krispy crackers, I don't know if she even ate any pizza! Constant requests for quarters, those darn machines...who invented them should be shot! Crying, yelling interruptions based on the 3 kid scenario, even #'s are so much better! Lip gloss being lost in the ball pit, okay I will gladly buy you a new tube. I didn't even get to eat a warm piece of pizza and when I returned with 2 new pieces, my aunt said "that's optimistic"...yes, the story of my life!
Needless to say, the opportunity to share precious time with 2 dear aunts was worth it despite the interruptions, I got the buffet as part of the Sept. Special (woo-hoo) and left the pizza place with most of my hair intact. It wasn't the quiet, peaceful time I had envisioned, but is life ever with kids?
Enjoy your day!
Summer
I was going to have a friend of Chaya's over, so I decided as it was raining (and my house is way too small) that I would take the girls for a playdate at Papa's Pizza and enjoy the lunch buffet (all you can eat, perfect for picky eaters!) and some play time on the toys (okay and a sanitizing bath after...ha, ha). I would immerse myself in a book or my to do list as I was riding solo. I crave adult time, but it wasn't in the cards for today, so I thought, but then I got surprised by a call from an out of town aunt whose was in for today only and could we meet up? Yes, of course if she wanted to meet me for lunch that would be awesome, answer to my prayers regarding adult conversation! Another aunt and cousin would join us too making for the perfect situation, or so I thought!
The aunt conversation was awesome, thank you to these dear ladies and moms for their venting ears today! The playtime that should have been peaceful, the food choices that should have been plentiful (all you can eat, if they actually have any pizza...ha, ha) and my time should have been all out enjoyable, but somehow it wasn't.....
I had to deal with trying to encourage/coax 2 wild girls to eat pizza, but instead Chaya ate a plate of cucumbers and about 10 packages of Krispy crackers, I don't know if she even ate any pizza! Constant requests for quarters, those darn machines...who invented them should be shot! Crying, yelling interruptions based on the 3 kid scenario, even #'s are so much better! Lip gloss being lost in the ball pit, okay I will gladly buy you a new tube. I didn't even get to eat a warm piece of pizza and when I returned with 2 new pieces, my aunt said "that's optimistic"...yes, the story of my life!
Needless to say, the opportunity to share precious time with 2 dear aunts was worth it despite the interruptions, I got the buffet as part of the Sept. Special (woo-hoo) and left the pizza place with most of my hair intact. It wasn't the quiet, peaceful time I had envisioned, but is life ever with kids?
Enjoy your day!
Summer
i'm along for the ride...who's with me?
I love motherhood! It has been the greatest, most challenging adventure of my life. Not that my life was terribly boring or anything before, but nothing and I mean nothing could compare me for all the wonders of this chapter in my life. I am loving it, sometimes I just wish I could live it solely without all the other things in life that invariably try to run me off course!
Whenever I have thought that nothing else could go wrong, it often has. I have learned that patience and flexibility are the key elements for a mom, but as a reformed Type A person this hasn't been easy to come by. My attention to detail, crossing numerous things off my to do lists and crawling into bed early (so I can get up early...refreshed!) are truly a thing of the past. I don't always mind this, but sometimes I wish I could blend my former life and my new one a bit more, but there simply isn't enough time in the day.
I am learning that boundaries or as I affectionately refer to them now thanks to a friend are protective parameters are making my ability to get things done a bit easier, I am glad I have learned this technique now in my early (almost mid-30's), but it has not been an enjoyable experience for me. It has taught me to be assertive and passionate about what my priorities are, not what other people want my priorities to be.
Regardless, this journey of motherhood has been a crazy fun one and I am glad that the ride has been fun so far and I look forward to the rest of the journey, I hope you are too!
Summer
Whenever I have thought that nothing else could go wrong, it often has. I have learned that patience and flexibility are the key elements for a mom, but as a reformed Type A person this hasn't been easy to come by. My attention to detail, crossing numerous things off my to do lists and crawling into bed early (so I can get up early...refreshed!) are truly a thing of the past. I don't always mind this, but sometimes I wish I could blend my former life and my new one a bit more, but there simply isn't enough time in the day.
I am learning that boundaries or as I affectionately refer to them now thanks to a friend are protective parameters are making my ability to get things done a bit easier, I am glad I have learned this technique now in my early (almost mid-30's), but it has not been an enjoyable experience for me. It has taught me to be assertive and passionate about what my priorities are, not what other people want my priorities to be.
Regardless, this journey of motherhood has been a crazy fun one and I am glad that the ride has been fun so far and I look forward to the rest of the journey, I hope you are too!
Summer
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