shy that way

I have a child who is terrified to go to school for the full day this year. It terrifies me to see her so terrified because as much as I would like to forget the days of my early school career, they certainly shaped me. It is hard to see your child experiencing shyness, fear and anxiety over changes. I was horribly shy as a child and I find myself getting impatient with Chaya when she shows those characteristics. I hate that about myself. I should be supportive and loving in those moments (and I am working on it), but it is true that sometimes you really dislike those things about yourself you see in other people regardless if you are a mom or not! I see that shyness in her and hate that maybe, just maybe she got that from me. It was so hindering and hurtful for me as a young child, I hope to help guide her correctly through these challenging times.

Today was the day Thurston Elem. was going to release the class lists, I remember the days that my parents would drive my excited sister and I up to Walterville to run down the halls and look at the lists...it was so exciting! I woke up this morning and reminded Chaya today was the big day, she instantly felt sick...then I felt awful! She had the opportunity to go to grandma's for a bit this afternoon which happened to coincide with the list release at the school. Hey, I was excited and will keep it to myself unless she wants to go over with me, but I hopped on my pink cruiser (chaya's pick) and sailed down the sidewalk to see what awaited her next year. I approached the school to much anxious energy...lots of kids (many smiles, some tears), but a general feeling of anxiety over what the next year will hold. This helped me realize that I was normal and Chaya is too. Just because I have come full circle and am not the shy girl I used to be, in a way that is a normal process and I have come full circle. Chaya, I hope, will too!

Summer